Bulgarian minister of defence stated that Macedonians are a drunken nation, or rather, a nation of drunk Bulgarians. And they won’t let us into the European Union until we sober up.
As it stands, this Covid-19 won’t leave any bishops to bring about autocephaly. Over in Northern Macedonia, we are terrified. We’re shaking like rats. We piss green, like turtles. We listen to Arsen. It’s as if our worship of Christ and patriotism have been transformed into a romance drama. If you all die, I won’t have anyone left to be autocephalous with. I sing, or we sing, and he doesn’t have anyone with whom to share his youth. When I think about it, our fear is a love trauma. And his. That is why we love each other. While we are waiting for Serb bishops to exile Corona with a cross, a prayer, and a kiss, our Eastern neighbours have pointed out that our problem isn’t only in that we are not autocephalous. The status con Is followed by a the blood alcohol level pros. Bulgarian minister of defence stated that Macedonians are a drunken nation, or rather, a nation of drunk Bulgarians. And they won’t let us into the European Union until we sober up.
Alright, I said, we’ll go and blow, and take a blood test. And get our stomachs pumped, total detox. From Tito to the Comintern. Whose rakija, by the way, made us Macedonian. Drunk, but Macedonian nevertheless. Today there is no Tito, or Comintern, so I’m wondering whether we can use regular rakija to take a regular Bulgarian and turn him into a drunken Macedonian. Or take the Minister of defense, Karakachanov, and his colleague, Minister of Foreign Affairs, Zakharieva, that is the beautiful woman’s name. Then, all drunk and Macedonianised, we can have them put their ramp in front of Macedonia’s European train.
I’m a little sick of it, not so much for us, but for the rest of the Balkans. They’re screwed, just because we drank too much 80 years ago. I couldn’t handle the guilt. And neither can NATO and the EU. Along with the old and the new US administration. That is why I hope us and Bulgarians will sober up. I, for instance, am sober already. And you know what? I’m glad I’m part of a people who has had and still has so much that is attractive, in both heritage and substance, that they can give this wealth away to neighbours and to the high principles of European integration. We are a central warehouse for all Balkan frustration. Military center for patriotic armies of all nations. Well, not all, but most. We are freeing our hot air balloon of dead weight, throwing pieces of ourselves onto Balkan countries and flying off. I think we’re flying precisely because we had something to give. We had something that could be taken.
I see this as a victory, not as a defeat. One must learn to read the room, and the times he’s in. In bad times a man sells his Persian rugs, paintings, cameras, pianos to buy flour and butter, and waits for the good time, when he will have it all back. And conquer the world, all the way to India. All across India, to Golo brdo.
Branko Trickovski, journalist, worked at ‘Nova Makedonija’, MRTV, founded and edited Utrinski, and Globus. Worked at Radio Channel 4, co-owned the first private radio station in Macedonia in 1991, and authored 8 column collections.